I Keep Promises To Myself

That’s what the post it on my desktop says. “ I keep promises to myself.”  It’s true I keep promises to myself.  and I have proof:

My actual desktop. And yes, I do have a post-it that says, "Be more romantic with Bradford."

My dear friend, Deirdre** has a new boyfriend.  We were catching up, and she was giving me the rundown of the romance.  I said, “That’s so great, you two are in love….”  Deirdre cut me off, “Oh, no, we don’t say that yet.” 

“Do you feel it?” I asked.
Well, “I’m falling in love, but I would never say it first.” she replied.

Ahhhh, it reminded me of the promise I had made to myself a long time ago. 

I promised myself that if I was ever lucky enough to love someone, I would tell them.

Simple right?  Well, it’s just about the best and hardest thing to do.

I told Deirdre this story:  After Bradford and I been dating a few months, we were in his bedroom and he was lying on the floor by the closet (I remember it perfectly) and when I looked over at him, I had the feeling of a, rush of new love come forward out of me.  “I love you.” almost just fell out of my mouth.  I caught myself and stopped before it came out. 

Later, when I was alone and processing this new information that I was in love with Bradford, I remembered my promise to myself.  Uh-oh.  “Oh my God, I can’t tell him that I love him.”  I dreaded this position:  “If I don’t tell him, I am a big fat liar, make promises I don’t keep.”  Even worse, “if I do tell him, I risk all sorts of rejection, awkwardness, and a bunch of other scary stuff that I don’t know what it is, but it’s scary!”

So, guess what I did?  I made another promise to myself; in fact it was the same promise:  “If I ever feel that feeling of being in love, I am going to say it.” 

And I did.  The next time I felt my heart swelling with love for Bradford, I said, “I love you.”

I felt victorious (over my ego)!  I felt honorable.  I felt like pure love.  And guess what else?  Bradford didn’t say it back.  He said, “Thank you.”

At this part of the story, Debra asked me, “didn’t you feel terrible that he didn’t say it back?”  The answer is, no, I felt so true and authentic, that I didn’t need him to say it back.  The fact that I felt such love for him was enough.

Debbie said, “Well, how long did it take him to finally say it?”  The truth is, I’m not sure, probably a month or so.  Debra, feeling bad for me, said, “didn’t you feel resentful and insecure all that time, that you had said it and he didn’t?”

The truth is, no.  I felt great. I felt like pure love was coursing through me, and it wasn’t a commodity to be traded for the same in return.  I felt like I could trust myself for keeping that promise.  And I felt lucky to ever love someone so much.

Oh, and guess what?  We did fall madly in love, head over heels in love, and we still are, no joke.

**name changed to protect the new romance

What’s something that you know about yourself?  And what proof do you have that’s it’s true?